Love and Death
Love and death? What sort of a topic is that? What comes to your mind when you read these two words together? Probably a web series on a streaming platform with a plot weaved around romance, love, and some mysterious murder? Doesn’t all the tragic, drama of life weave around these two predominantly? The tragic love stories from the movies often starts with the former (Love) and ends with the later (Death).
Love is what most people feel good, comforting, when having wonderful life situations and what many also seek for — to a lesser or more desperate need — in some form or the other.
And death? If experienced in the closer circle of one’s life creates a feeling of emptiness, of void, and a mindset — that waxes and wanes — of a meaningless dry life to just continue living.
And being humans, these two — love and death — bring in loads of emotions, the spectrum of which can almost be seen across one’s life. This is a generalized view across different strata of people, and there are exceptions to this. There are people who live in superficial existence, and some deeply buried that they do not want to be extricated even.
Where am I intending to go with this topic? I am myself not sure at this moment, but the topic did pop-out during one of my meditation sometime after I finished writing the last one. So, I guess this one could be the next link in the chain I have set myself to blog about this year. This topic is not new to me though. It has evoked in me a deeper spiritual meaning when I read a book of the same name ‘Love and Death’ by Shri Parthasarathi Rajagopalachari (Chariji), my Master and the third Heartfulness guide in the line of Sahaj Marg Masters of Shri Ram Chandra Mission. For those who are already practicing meditation and spirituality (especially in the Heartfulness way), this book can be booster to their practice and understanding of life. In this write-up however, let me ramble a bit on my thoughts on how these generally are handled in life around us.
Let me begin with the ‘Love’ first — this being used in different context to mean different thing. For many it is associated with romance, affection, familial bonding, friendship, companionship, passion, sex, compassion, empathy, emotional support, a deep longing associated with material or spiritual aspects. One of my favourite dialogues in the movie ‘The Matrix Revolutions’, when Neo mentions to a program that ‘Love is a human emotion’, the program named Rama Kandra replies ‘No, it is a word. What matters is the connection the word implies…Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?’ Love is both a noun and a verb. We will need to be aware of what the word means to us deeply and what we mean when we say that in different context, and sincerely convey the meaning without worrying which word we use. As in our usage of words these days, (including the cuss words spoken to elicit some pride and satisfaction and then attributing a different meaning to it,) if we are not authentic in our expression of our feelings, we will have to face certain consequence or responses — positive or negative or neutral — from those to whom we are sharing that feeling. The feeling of being in love propels us to ‘action’ born out of that love. If the original feeling is unadulterated and pure, one needs to ensure the ‘action’ following it are of the same nature. But it is in the action field, our thinking and the various other emotions (if not handled properly) can cause suffering and struggle.
Love is creative. To whatever degree, one might associate himself with the feeling of love, it is creative and uses all the resources of our self into action. At times it also appears that love might result in no action by itself. It certainly shows dual characteristics. Sometime just being in love seems to fulfill an inner need, a satisfaction sometimes and keeps us in inaction! Or perhaps throws deep within us seeds for future action.
Love is transformative. When we move through the action field propelled by love, moving through different phases in life, and associated emotions, and circle back to again a feeling of love, the process seemed to have changed us, and our definition of our own self is slightly different from the previous one. And this movement in life when associated with the feeling of love can give us a sense of being transformed. Chariji once said in one of is talk, “Do not fall in love. Rise in love.” And the same I saw later mentioned in the movie ‘Taal’ by Subash Ghai, which was the first movie in my generation of movies I saw growing up, that I liked on the genre of love stories. The expression of love as a positive force portrayed by the character Manav, while enduring suffering for not just one with whom the hero romances, but for all the relations he is associated with is something harmonious, nobler than most movies in those days.
Some thoughts to meditate about on the aspect of love, and finding the divide within us and avoiding pitfalls listed below.
Take a pause.
Reflect. Meditate if possible on what these words mean to you. You may not agree with what I write, nor are my writings to be considered factual. These are my views.
Let’s move on to the word ‘Death’.
Death is something none of us — myself and those who are reading this blog — have any personal experience. Do we? :-)
Unless of course some have had NDE (Near Death Experience) or are probably highly spiritual to share their personal experience. This one question relating to death is what is told in the story of Nachiketa in the Katha Upanishad, which Lord Yama (the lord of death) is reluctant to answer. Death is something most of us have seen happen in our own family circles, and the impact of this on our own life. The immediate feeling is one of detachment, a mindset of impermanent nature of this life. For some these days, death also seems to be an end of all miseries, and unfortunately take the extreme step, hastily without opening up to other infinite opportunities, and use the various therapies and helpline available across countries. On the contrary, many others although living a normal life, fear and related stress dictates their decision, action, and reaction in many life situations. As I understand most fears are induced fears or root down to fear of death.
Love and death although seemingly contrary have many similarities. Like love, death too has an impact on various emotions. Death too can invoke or provoke several feelings on those left behind and trigger some action positively or negatively. If love cannot be forced, and must come naturally or in due course, death too should not be forced. People have been afraid of loving as much as dying. Both can be transformative depending on how each of them is approached, and the related emotions managed in a balanced way.
Death is considered as a cessation of all our bodily and mental reactions to what we experience through life. What happens to all our thoughts and feelings that we hold dearly during life? When our neurological system shuts down, there are no more sensory perceptions and brain functions. Medically, there are rare cases of brain death, when the blood supply to the brain stops and it shuts down irreversibly, while the heart continues to beat. The heart does not need nerve impulses from the brain as long as the lungs receive oxygen artificially. The other organs too can be kept active of a brain-dead person and can be donated for those who wait for transplantation. Whether we believe in rebirth or after death phenomenon, one should understand scientifically and be open for any rational possibility on what does happen — to our thoughts, emotions and feelings, especially the vibratory nature of consciousness at the moment of death. As death is something not predictable when it might happen, one should therefore manage them and lead a life that can be as light as possible that we need not hurry into the process of life and therefore unto death. Nor are we to live in fear of death all our lives.
Spiritually speaking, love and death are very important concepts for us to learn, practice and experience in a conscious way without having to associate them only to the physical or material aspects. Again, irrespective of our beliefs in all of these, managing our life and remaining harmonious and balanced can help handle extreme situations. Some of my inspirations, changes in the way I perceive life, love and death, have been influenced by various authors — Paulo Cohelo’s book starting with ‘The Alchemist’, Dr. Paul Pearsall’s ‘The Heart’s Code’, Brian Weiss’s ‘Many Lives Many Masters’, and the books by Neale Donald Walsch, Eckhart Tolle and many talks and writings from the guides of Heartfulness meditation. Few quotes that are relevant here:
“It’s risky, falling in love.”
“I know that,” I answered. “I’ve been in love before. It’s like a narcotic. At first it brings the euphoria of complete surrender. The next day, you want more. You’re not addicted yet, but you like the sensation, and you think you can still control things.. and you begin to be completely dependent on them. .. you’re willing to do anything for love.”
“In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel.” — Paulo Coelho
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“First you have to learn to love yourself. That is why perhaps we meditate on our own heart: we learn to love what we find inside.” — Chariji
“Meditation — in a sense — is a training in dying” — Chariji
Love does not grow on trees or brought in the market, but if one wants to be loved one must first know how to give love — Kabir
“One of the most important of life´s lessons is to learn independence, to understand freedom. This means independence from attachments, from results, from opinions, and from expectations. Breaking attachments leads to freedom, but breaking attachments does not mean abandoning a loving and meaningful relationship, a relationship that nourishes your soul. It means ending dependency on any person or thing. Love is never a dependency.” — Brian Weiss
“the heart’s energy “L” energy, which is not bound by time and space”
“pain is fact; suffering is optional” — Paul Pearsall
“How there must be discipline in life, as well as in death. And that discipline is called love.”
“So, when you are thinking only of yourself, and taking and taking, and taking, the more of this attitude comes into play in your inter-relationship, the less you get. Whereas I you are thinking all the time of giving, and giving, an giving — the more you give, the more you get. This is the idea of holiness.”
– Chariji. Love and Death, 1992
My thoughts always however around balance and so is my writing. And hope reading this helped you trigger your own thoughts on these topics to discover for yourself what they mean to you.
